Compass Bearings

Kristin Armstrong (Lance’s ex-wife) writes about Lance’s first marathon in the March 2007 edition of the Australia/New Zealand Runner’s World. He struggled. After the finish he said that the marathon was “the hardest physical thing I have ever done.” At the press release he continued, “Even the worst days in the tours, nothing was as hard as that and nothing left me feeling the way I feel now in terms of sheer fatigue and soreness. “I think I bit off more than I could chew, I thought the marathon would be easier,” he said, struggling more obviously during the last 12km, and adding that his shins “started to hurt in the second half, especially the right one. I could barely walk up here [the stairs at the press conference], because the calves are completely knotted up.” Kristin describes him walking sideways down the stairs after the conference, quads burning, just like the rest of us.

When I read the story, I bawled my eyes out. Lance has been an inspiration to me and thousands of others. When I was going through chemotherapy after surgery for cervical cancer, I watched him religiously every night on TV, wrapped in a blanket and feeling sickly, while he rode to victory in his 7th Tour de France. He had been diagnosed with testicular cancer that had spread to his lungs and brain. After removing a testicle and brain surgery, he underwent three months of gruelling chemotherapy. He came back to win the Tour de France a year later, and then every year after that for 7 years in a row. The New York marathon was a celebration of ten years since his diagnosis.

Watching him power up those hills on the Tour in perfect physical form kept me focussed on my own return to health. I devoured his books – they helped me feel better knowing that Lance had travelled the dark lonely road of cancer and come back even stronger and more magnificent. He even admitted arrogance and selfishness - this just made him all the more human to me.

So reading about his agonizing marathon run, how his legs started to seize up at 30km, and how he finished it completely spent made me weep. Not because he disappointed me – far from it! It was his humanity and his humility in the face of The Big One, The Marathon, and the fact that he struggled made me realise that I, too, was extraordinary.

This was Lance’s first marathon, but I have run 6 of the buggers! The last one was only 7 months after my cancer treatment finished. It was a ‘personal worst’ time of almost 5 hours whereas I had hoped for a P.B., but it was by far the most rewarding race. Here I was, alive and running, whereas I had faced death and agonizing treatment just a few months beforehand. I ran the marathon, and then just carried on, not making much of a fuss.

And so I wept big huge tears of realisation, of self-awareness and finally of acknowledgment that I, a mere mortal built more for belly dancing than running, was just as extraordinary as the mighty Lance. Who was I to deny my achievements? Who was I to ignore the inspiration it afforded others? Who was I to deny the shining light burning bright in my heart? Who was I to deny that the triumph of one lifts us all? I would not let one more minute of my life go by without letting that light burn bright, for all the world to see. By doing so, it is my intention that others peel away their dark cloak of fear, worry, and doubt and let the flames flicker, chasing darkness with their brilliance.

I wept and wept thinking of all the thousands of souls who live their lives shrunken and fearful, unaware of their own marvellous majesty. All of us have a Lance Armstrong spirit locked away inside us. If only we allow ourselves to see it, and let it shine.

All good wishes for you,

Zoë

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